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13 April 2017

How I fell Today?

Everything was fine! Until I fell down. Harsh it was to fell down in speed. Cold it was as the sun dropped as early as 1745 making the moon to take the duty of night. Dusk! Alas!
1746 being, so I start to jog, completing first 5 set as it was after long time, avoided to strain myself. Night had started to take its charge, it started becoming dark.
It was the last set, as while reaching I feel down. It was really harsh. Blood came out. Had nothing but calm myself down going back to home to wash the wound with soap and water.
 I could still not find the reason how at sudden I fell? Is this reminding me of falling in something different perspective? I guess it could be may be reminding me of felling from love. from friendship, or from everything that I wish to do. Leaving me clueless.
Yes!! Reminding me this wound is small compared to the actual wounds you have gotten in your life from the people. Reminding me of the amount of blood they let it drain from my body. It's nothing it will heal with time what about that infinite fall of your life. You are still fallen, not yet risen up, today with this physical hurt you have atleast risen up to go home and wash it. What about the internal woulds which are still fresh and needs some other soul as water to be washed off. Clueless??? Don't have to be you know every bits and pieces of your soul better than anyone else shall explain you.
How alone you were! Infact so alone no one to see you while you fell down, no one to hold you no one to laugh at you. !!! You're alone.! Great with no friends nothing...!!! But this shall not be taken as negative atlast you had enough courage to stand on your own. To sob yourself, to calm yourself to tackle the situation by self. Quite appreciating, no doubt. Better to be alone than to have hell number of people who just pretend to be with you but vanishes when you truly need them, when you want someone to listen to you but those are just to busy in themselves ignoring you the real you. Making you fake.!!
It's better to fall sometimes.....
Things you have done you have got and you are doing is nothing but letting you down, so down that they are reminding you to be in caution.
This is How You fell today..!!!

15 nov 16
30 June 2016

Finally An Engineer ! Nightmare

Every Second of every moment that have passed, be it you who is one of the loveliest to the scariest nightmares ever since my birthday says Apy to sky. Amazingly checking her result while she offcourse don;t even care because for her, her so called narrow thought and religion matters, the blind teachings which she never got no knowledge how pity it is to follow without respecting the emotions and love just for the sake of betrayal. It's not negative, no more negative words. Each and every moment starting from my birthday to now and coming seconds to add my life. Words that always rolled my mind back and forth unlike you my pretty sky who turned out to be so blue that you don't even care about your words promises feelings nothing. 

And when you call some people, they dubiously calls you majnu..lover.. so was apy but than today 4 years are drained so was your time pass, that is apy. Why would you call now that true.. why ? 

Life is cruel but okay I'm waiting for allah, to tell me about that day and everyday why with me... Or if almighty allah gave this little knowledge or if these are the real teachings... I have faith and believe unlike you who dwell. Whose words mind and action are never in harmony. Even the love.... And I thank you Allah... !!

But then all these thought dismissed the moment I got her call and the voice that I missed since ages thought its just more than a month, but quite strong feminine voice rather than a girls voice as it used to. However I just thought of allah and about call and restoring my faith to love humanity beyond religion says apy. May be something is waiting and yet to happen.

30 June 1 July date  changed in between the calls
17 June 2016

Finally The Last Class!

Seems end has come, doesn't give so much of happiness as it was the time to lose all the people. Be it mean selfish hard or hearty lost of era. Dispersion! Pen rolling on the t-shirt color finding space in the cheeks, smile tears everything mingled up.

So was this the advent of new era, a new beginning, a new life, off-course the lesson will be used in life which will start from now. No matter how bad the time was the end wasn't evil. And if something is evil than probably it is not the end. May be a little extra resistance to it could bear sweet fruits.

Some feelings are still hidden some questions are still left unanswered, to some its been day to see the glimpse. Just wonder for the person one used to go college and now everything seems to come to an end. 

But lets thrive this moment, we'll survive. Everything happens for a reason, for something good. :)

10 June 2016

A typical Roza

It's 0023 still awake, few hours for exam to start. Went to sleep at 0200 am in the morning. Was quite afraid of sleep as it'd been two hours since I was trying to sleep but could not. 

Exam was quite okay. But the best thing was a sweet invigilator who was smiling I guess looking at me how helpless I was, she thought inside. I thought to ask her name but then I went away before time. Went to bus, and my eyes glanced at her. She was sitting at the place where once she was sitting in first year probably or later things are quite changed. She though later asked me how was my paper to which I said smiling good and asked her same but she than get intouch with the person sitting next to her. It's exactly 20 days today since my birthday and the things have change considerably. I mean its okay she don't want to keep the relation and is deflected to old so are the tracks but nevertheless, leaving rest on you god. May be some day will see that muslim too which i could not keeping this little faith in you allah, a human first than a follower of a religion a lover first than the admirer of islam may be some day... A person who itself will understand the difference between what she was and could be without stopping the knowledge sense that her god gave.

Its been few days I kept my roza kind of fast, quite un-usual yeah, not to restrain my body but yes negative sences of my body. The negativity which i want to refrain for ever and let the positivity from god enter in my soul. 

Since their was a incident, today itself, I was quite but I wonder if it was worth to say. One of our bus driver is also muslim quite offensive, mannerless and rude. I was quite sure he might have kept fast but was wondering what is the use of restraining yourself from hunger while other hunger is not controllable well its my opinion people may find it difficult to understand some including my love sky may find it a bit negative.

Anyway god give me the strength to refrain all kind of disillusion and illusions of life to be humble simple human as I can.
23 May 2016

It doesn't affect her but to him nothing less than hell

Yes! Time being so harsh I doubt why ? External going to start exam while she made her mind so mean that she is not even worried about her doings and its impact on one's life. God knows.
21 May 2016

21 MAY 2016

It's finally 1200 no one called though i was waiting for her call. Well that's great. Oblivion Anyway if their is something that needs some life. Give me strength. She didn't called me nor wished me reminding me of 2013..... great  

I waited for you all day and night you never called me. So good it really feels immense the way you shattered all the love...truly appreciable 

You messaging on whatsapp telling your good excuse, saying happy bday will not take enough of your balance and time just 3 seconds...

Unless it is mad Passionate Extraordinary Love...
It is a waste of time there are too many things in life.
Love should not be one of them....

Apoorv want to be apoorv, keep love is the part of life if you get it or not... if it doesn't come also in future you should net affected. It is affecting you don't... you will come to know you wasted your time...every one love.... Ratan tata loved 4 times..... but he couldn't..... he is a trillionaire... well focused. Even APJ abdul kalam,... Don't loose your focus and vision expectations.. usne muje call ni kia message ni are going in bad way apy.. how to make equilibrium...,

time changes people changes feeling changes,.... Said Di

Well this person named sonam di in my story has a very important role to play. To give all the positive energy when I'm negative.... And yes today it's the most when I really needed. I needed because of many reasons.....

It's 0953 

So I didn't have a good sleep quite stressful as it ought to be but no complains. I;m writing here about that thoughts that are flooding my mind. Heavy yet disappointing. From one who loved you and you loved one. It would never be so excusable whatever be the situation or circumstances be until one has thought something indifferent. Anyway what I wonder is you could have called using any phone for 3 second and would have told me to wait. As I waited for call till 0300 before going to bed and till now which I doubt if you really care. If you really have the guts to be you than to be a mind you made. I have nothing to loose because I love god and god knows my love for you was nothing less than anything. Even at this moment when I'm thinking about you which I know is waste from your point of view. I don't have anything to assume like you have. It's as simple as you could have called from any phone in your home, you would have been online as the clock strikes as you care to change your dp before 19 minutes the past day when I have called you 100 times and messaged you. I called you without having ego but in some whatsapp text you arose your ego well love has no ego and god is watching,... this is truly a scar.... for me... I had beautiful plan to start but anyway god is trust you I have faith on you and  you know it wasn't worth that i got and I don't deserve but the person did, the person for with which shares a journey...anyway lot of things inside but its okayto stop here....because ironically it was shubham from whom i wasn't expecting but he called me just used his net to recharge.. unlike one wishing 0025 in whatapp with excuse dad n mom ni soye reminding me of past birthday 2015 and things one cherished...!!!

But lets not be negative be positive,... you didn't have your mothers phone your dad's phone and 3 second to say.... marvelous God know...!!! 

And even facebook....

Apoorv Agrawal - Unprecedented One Who Has Not Been Before